I turned 85 recently, one of those milestones that gets extra attention. This milestone marks the impending end stage of a long and satisfying collection of experiences and companions. There were rewarding achievements and instructive failures, teaching and learning, giving and receiving, reading and writing, caregiving and being cared for, leading and following, taking hold and letting go. Your list may be very different, because my list includes not only family and friends work and communities but also my specific personal experiences, gifts, dreams, challenges and opportunities.
Many (but not all) of my readers are close to my age, We grew to adulthood in the time of the Cold War, The Pill, Vietnam, Civil Rights, the women’s movement. That context affected us all in different ways, depending on all the dimensions of being that each of us brought to our shared historical and cultural environment. Even if you are from a later generation, you probably have people in your life who are at this stage and whom you are perhaps trying to understand.
Like everyone else, some big parts f my life were beyond my control. I was female, poor, white, academically gifted and artistically/musically/athletically challenged, a mainstream Protestant in a sea of ethnic Catholics, growing up in a single parent household in a New England factory town where my ancestors had lived for generations and where extended family still did. Each of those aspects of my identity shaped my hopes, fears, aspirations and constraints.
But so did my choices. The determination to go to college and figure out how to pay for it. My choice of a husband, a wise decision apparently made by my right brain. Becoming an economist. Changing my political identification. Having three children intentionally. Changing my faith identification. Getting involved leadership roles in a variety of communities. Writing textbooks. Running for city council. Writing non-textbooks. Preaching. Retiring early (and also late). Going to seminary after retiring to study theological ethics.
The last part of life has unique challenges of its own. Hinduism recognizes four stages: the child, the student, the householder (including the work to which one has been elected or assigned), and what we Westerners would call retirement–the time to give up the focus on duties and possessions and turn to matters of the spirit.
Our challenges in an individualistic society are similar but also different at this final stage. At my age, I am definitely in that fourth stage. But as a daughter of western culture, I think there is still a role for work, meaning and purpose in those as well as adapting to our changing roles and abilities. final years.
I identify four kinds of tasks or challenges for the final years. Let’s call them Bucket List, Letting Go, Staying Engaged, and Legacy. The next four blogs will each focus on one of those challenges. I would appreciate you sending your comment or stories in response!
