Disagreeing with Grammar: Pesky Pronouns Again

Pronouns, Verbs, and Gender Identity

I promise that this is the last blog on this subject. I know many of you are rather indifferent to digging in the grammatical weeds, but when gender identity and English grammar are in conflict, it does make grammar more interesting.

 It recently crossed my mind that while “they” as both a singular and plural pronoun creates a grammatical dilemma, it is not the only one in our English language, a result of its polyglot origin.  The second person in English would be equally confusing if we weren’t so accustomed to it.

When I first moved to the south, in 1966, a friend called to invite me? Or us? for bridge.  She said, would you-all like to play bridge Friday night? I replied, do you want just me, or me and Carl? And she replied, honey, if I just wanted you, I wouldn’t have said “You-all.”  Thus began my Southern English education.  (I do find the Southern second person plural preferable to the Bronx/New Jersey version, which is “Youse guys.”) 

Perhaps we should say “is you ready”  or “ does you want” when speaking to one individual, reserving the plural verb forms “are” and “do” for more than one person.  But we don’t, although in colloquial Southern African American usage, the singular form of the verb with “you” is more common. (And also the opposite, as in “She don’t think so.”)

Recently a friend asked me about our new minister at my UU congregation, whose first name is Holly.  The person asked where she was living. Respecting Rev. Holly’s pronouns, I said  “They are living off the Old Clemson Highway.”  And the person responded, “Oh, is she married?” No, I explained, but their preferred pronoun is “they.”

 Then I had an idea.  Next time the issue arises, I will use they, which I was always led to believe was only and forever a plural pronoun,  but I will treat it as a singular one, making my reply “they is living…”. Henceforth, I shall honor both Rev. Holly’s preferences and the English language, and encourage others to do likewise. After a few decades, it might even sound normal.