Lessons from a Doughnut Box

When I was a child, my mother would occasionally buy us a dozen confectionery sugar-coated doughnuts in a blue box from Reynolds’ Doughnuts. On the side there was a picture and a poem.  The picture was a tree with two men sitting under it, one on each side.  The man on the left is contemplating a fat doughnut with a small hole.  The man on the right is contemplating a skinny doughnut with a large hole.  My recollection is that  poem read, “As you ramble on through life, brother, whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole.”

Nothing reflects abundance more concretely than a doughnut, rich in fat and sugar and calories, if somewhat lacking in nutritional value. But it is the picture these words paint that reminds us that we have abundance if we choose to see it.

We experience a great deal of life as hole rather than doughnut, scarcity rather than abundance. In a world of scarcity, competition is the way we relate to others. Winner take all.  Second best is just another word for losing.  Grading on the curve will only allow so many A’s. More immigrants means fewer jobs for Americans. Not getting into your first choice school means that your college degree will have no value. Fear of failure that leads us to not even try to succeed. Greed, envy, and fear replace gratitude, empathy, and joy in our interaction with other people.

I just spent a few days at one of my favorite places, John. C. Campbell Folk School in the North Carolina mountains, where the focus is non-competitive learning of a variety of arts and crafts.  No blue ribbons, no invidious comparisons of my work with that of others. Room for many levels of skill, many forms of self-expression, in which we encourage others and get encouragement in return.

I used to want to create heaven on earth, but that’s far beyond my reach.  Maybe creating some oases of abundance, joy, empathy and gratitude is the best we can do. I know where one of my oases is.  Where are yours?

 

 

Winter Holidays

Most of you know I am a big fan of holidays.  This year Hanukkah (eight days starting December 3rd) runs alongside Advent (December 2nd to 24th) and tiptoes through Saint Nicholas Day (December 6th). Solstice is the 21st, so have your Yule log ready.  Then Christmas and Kwanzaa (December 26-January 1) and finally Three Kings’ Day (January 6th), rounding out exactly a month of winter holidays.  I usually forgo Hanukkah and Kwanzaa because I don’t know the routine and stick with my Western European heritage represented by Christmas and solstice.  But all of us in the Northern Hemisphere are celebrating the same thing. light. Hope. Warmth.  Snuggling down into our winter cocoons and letting the seeds of renewal germinate inside us. I just can’t wrap my head around celebrating Christmas in Australian and New Zealand!

Every year I struggle with how best to to celebrate these holidays. For years I was teaching at the university up till maybe ten days before Christmas, and I found it  hard to quiet the mind for Advent, or turn the Christmas spirit off to grade exams and then turn it back on.  Now it is much easier to set the work aside.  I do not shop on Black Friday or Cyber Monday.  Each year I try to spend less money on gifts and more time on experiences–music, theater, movies with the grandchildren, listening to Christmas music. (Deck the Halls is my personal song.)  I refuse to consult wish lists, trying instead to listen to who each person is and get them the right book and the right funny socks or T-shirt that rflects what is special about each of them. I try to observe the solstice in ways that are respectful of Mother Earth by generating less waste (reusable cloth gift bags are this year’s addition), turning down the thermostat, and shopping locally from small stores and artisans.

Certain things are slow to change.  Christmas is still family time. When my dear husband of 53 years died just a few weeks before Christmas in 2015, my three daughters took on the task of supplying the traditional gifts–a book, a nightgown, and a jigsaw puzzle.  The jigsaw puzzle is for after the kitchen is cleaned up from four or five days with the eleven people in my immediate family.  But as I get older, I farm more tasks out.  The home is smaller, and so is the tree.  I have been giving Santas from my large collection to daughters and grandchildren. I know the day will come when we gather at my oldest daughter’s house, but I’m not ready yet.

In Hindu tradition, when one’s hair is white and one has seen one’s grandsons, it is time to let go of household responsibilities and material possessions and seek the life of wisdom and the spirit.  I’m not there yet, but I’m moving in that direction, and the gradual evolution of my Christmas holidays is one of the times that invite me to reflect on this stage of the journey.  That’s the start of my passage.  How is yours?

 

Welcome to my blog

I aspire to be a purple sage. I meet one requirement, which is being old, validated by my senior discounts and Social Security check. Young sages are an anomaly. While I do not aspire to be  a desert plant with purple flowers, I do hope to offer some occasional extra seasoning to the lives of others. I want to be purple enough to engage in dialogue with both red and blue in a search for common ground, even though I lean to the blue side. But I am always mindful of the words of Paul Tillich, who challenges us not to retreat to a limited defensible fortress of ideas. Dialogue with people who think otherwise  keeps us outside the gates, open to learning and change.

So I invite my followers, however few or many they may be, to walk this path with me, encourage me when I show signs of sagacity, challenging me when I say something banal or stupid, and pulling me back from the edge of the blue cliff when I otherwise might tumble over.